The Village fete.
Roll up, roll up to our village fete
if you want the bargains please don't be late.
Cars must be parked as directed by the scouts.
but please leave a space for Jim who has the gout.
The cakes are all made by the WI,
I can recommend Winnie's fresh fruit pie.
The raffle is run by Elsie and Bet,
If you don't get a ticket they'll get into a fret.
You can try and walk by but you'll feel their eyes,
and you won't have a chance to win a prize.
The tombola is full of out of date chocs,
cheap bubble bath and dates in a box.
Edna and Bill are doing just fine,
they've won some eggs and a bottle of wine.
Jean is in charge of the nearly new
she's hung up the clothes so it's easy to view.
Betty's bought shimmery glamorous dress,
it didn't have a size so she had to guess.
Sara Lock has brought along her pony
she also brought her goat so it didn't get lonely.
The goat ate it's way through part of the marquee
and chewed sausage rolls there, buy one get one free.
The judging is done for produce and flowers,
they tasted all the wine and were gone for hours.
Bert wiped the board with his oversized onions,
and for once he forgot about his painful bunions.
Josie won the coveted best fruit cake,
(which Sandra said she didn't know how to make).
The best pot plant was Arthur Ship's Azalea,
and Audrey got a second with a painting of Australia.
Everyone admired Nancy's fine knitted stole,
but Ethel got the first for her embrodiered voile.
The vicar gave a speech and gave out the rosettes,
then Sara had to leave to take her goat to the vets.
George sold out of his cabbages and leeks,
but Bill had no luck with his overpriced antiques.
The kids had some fun hooking up a plastic duck,
and got a free lolly if they didn't have any luck.
There were vegan burgers next to the hog roast stall,
and an ice cream van parked up by the village hall.
Eric ran a stand with his home made treasure map
and little Tommy Smith dropped his sausage from his bap.
The cider was drunk, the raffle prizes won,
and everyone said it had been a lot of fun.
So thank you all for coming, until this time next year,
we've sold out of crisps and bottles of beer.
We'll roll up the flags, put cups and saucers away,
and watch the sun go down on a perfect English day.