Can you get up at four am each morning,
and leave behind your lovely cosy bed?
Can you get knocked out by a stroppy heifer
and use a scarf to bandage up your head?
Can you lamb a ewe whose having triplets,
with your hands covered in blood and lambing gel?
Can you clear out drains that need unblocking,
and never even think about the smell?
Can you lance a big infected abcess
and not throw up when you see lots of pus?
Can you then eat up what's in your lunch box
and not even think about making any fuss?
Can you spend all day worming lots of cattle,
and go home covered in muck and snot.
Then go out for a drink in the evening
and talk about your ewes who've got foot rot?
Can you take apart the knotters on an old baler
and not cut off your fingers when you do.
Or use some string to tie up a feed hopper,
when you don't have time to go and find a screw?
Can you get a calf to drink out of a bucket,
when all it wants to do is drop down dead?
And you are soaked in milk and slobber
and you've got ten others waiting to be fed.
Can you stop a bull from charging past you
with a little stick you pulled out of the hedge,
whilst muttering that he'd be very tasty
on a plate with yorkshire pud and lots of veg.
Can you tell your lovely newbie neighbour
that you're sorry when your cows decide to moo,
and politely say that it will sometimes happen
because it's something all cows like to do?
Were you taught how to drive the tractor
as soon as you could reach the brakes and clutch
and soon they had you rolling fields of barley
and you got paid, but never very much?
If you can answer these questions truly,
you must be one who works upon the land.
Because only someone who is a farmer
would smile and say they understand.