Christmas is now over and my clothes are feeling tight,
And a glance caught in a mirror has given me a fright.
I've eaten all the toffees, the shortbread and mince pies,
The cheeses with the crackers have migrated to my thighs.
The turkey and the stuffing, the home cooked ham and crisps,
I've mulled on wine and sherry as they gurgled past my lips.
I've picked at mounds of chocolates 'til I cannot see my feet,
And chosen all the toffees from tins of Quality Street.
The Christmas pud' with brandy and a great big slice of stollen,
it's really not surprising that my stomach's fat and swollen.
the cocktails and the pringles, trifles topped with cream,
I have eaten far too many, now I'm bursting every seam.
I might go on a diet, and become a member of a gym,
So I must eat all the goodies up before I try to slim.
I'm told I must make smoothies out of broccoli and leeks,
but looking at my figure, I'll be doing it for weeks.
It really is bad weather, or I could go for a run,
I would try counting calories, but it really isn't fun.
I've had a go at zumba, I bought a half price rower,
but if I was a three toed sloth, I couldn't go much slower.
If it snows I'll take up skiing or I'll buy myself a bike,
Have nothing but a milk shake, morning,noon and night.
It really is depressing, this needing to lose weight,
So I'll try to not look desperate with one carrot on my plate.
I 'll try and eat the healthy stuff, the cabbage and the kale
If you offer me a chocolate, then I'll try not to inhale
I'll fight my losing battle with elastic round my waist,
It's really such a conflict that I suffer from good taste!